I woke up this morning on this beautiful sunny warm Monday and the first word in my head (My Catch 2Day) was exist.  Hmm, it got me thinking.  What is it to live your best life or simply exist?  Do you know the difference?  I sure do.

I know from March 11, 2020 until yesterday I have just been existing.  I say March 11, 2020 because that was the last time I felt like my life was my life.  It was a magical day as I flew to LAX to meet my guy on an overnight.  I arrived early to hang in the airline lounge and relax with my coffee and beautiful glass of champagne.  As I sat at the window in my comfy chair, I watched the planes arrive and take off.  All the while wondering where they were arriving from and heading too?  I had fun on my mind and in my heart that day.  It was a day where the world seem to begin and end. 

The pandemic was announced and had officially begun, sports ended, Tom Hanks and his bride Rita announced they had Covid and the world shifted.  For me, the fun in travel and my random fun life ended.  Hoping a plane anywhere in the world ended and solitude became the norm for most.  I know this was the day I secretly slipped into a world of lack and scarcity as did most of the world. 

I told a friend recently that with the whole pandemic I feel as if I am in a 50 year marriage to someone I cannot stand and am just biding my time because it is easier to just exist than it is to make a change.  I gather that analogy from my darling Nanna.  I experienced how my grandfather and she were, and how they treated each other.  I asked her one day why not just leave.  Her reply I will never forget, “My darling, in some cases through your life, you will come to realize it is simply easier to stay than it is to make a change.”  Can you relate?

I know a few people have just been living their best life over the course of the last year+ and that has been my plan going forward.  Over the course of the past year I have been creating and working on myself in solitude and silence.  I now have the most clarity I have ever had in my life.  But I am asking myself, am I just existing or am I living? 

So what exactly is it to exist?  What exactly is it to live your best life?  According to the dictionary, exist is:  To be, or to be real, to live, or to live in difficult conditions, to be present or be a condition, and to have the ability to be known, recognized, or understood.  Ok, well I know I have been living, but again, the question is am I existing or truly living my best life.  I know we are all exactly where we are supposed to be, good, bad and indifferent.  I also know, for me, the difference between existing and living my best life. 

After my life went sideways in 2016 which I greeted with a nervous breakdown and ended with reconstructive knee surgery, I know what it is to live my best life.  My current circumstances would not be my best life as I knew it.  But that is ok, because it makes me appreciate my experiences just that much more.  Now the question for me is am I allowing circumstances to hold me back.  The truth is, we are in Covid 2.0 and science is indisputable.  I have had my vaccination and do not wish to gain a false sense of security.  In turn this means that I must hang on a bit longer in solitude and silence. 

I know life is limiting right now, but I am not limiting my life.  When the world opens back up and I can travel internationally without the worry of a required test that is when my life will resume completely.  Until then, I am content with living in solitude and silence.  After all you hear the most profound things in silence.  I recognize I am living my life on my terms and not just existing.  I know without a shadow of a doubt, I am truly comfortable with the uncomfortable and refuse to live a complacent life.  I have at least another 40+ years left and damn it, they will be full of life, love, experiences and joy.  I will make that happen because I know the difference between existing and living my best life and someday is not a day of the week.  Do you?~Shirene